I don’t care!
Those words have been my mantra these past few days. If you follow me on social media and watch my stories, you’ve seen that I haven’t been in the best of moods, and those words are what I’m saying to myself.
Those words are what I say to myself right before I do something I know I shouldn’t be doing.
Those words are the new way I say “F it” to myself. Getting the F it’s is never a good thing, especially for someone in recovery.
Those words are what I say when I’m acting on impulse, desperately trying to find a way out of uncomfortable emotions.
Those words are what I say to rationalize and justify my subsequent actions.
The truth is, though, I really DO care!
I do care that difficult emotions suck. I do care that I’m using poor coping skills to relieve my discomfort. I DO care about the consequences of my actions following that statement.
I do care that whatever I’m getting ready to do I will come to regret sooner or later. I do care.
So, the next time I decide to tell myself “I don’t care” right before I eat my weight in food, I’m going to try to run that scenario through and think about how I’m going to feel afterward.
Am I going to feel better tomorrow by slamming down that gallon of ice cream? Or, am I going to feel better tomorrow by sitting with my emotions and reminding myself that they are impermanent and I don’t have to react to them?
It’s food for thought. (See what I did there?)
What are some different ways you tell yourself “F it”? Comment below.